reason to be a woman at home. Nor does it make me any happier to call John 'my wife' or to hear others do so. I've always been proud of his masculinity for whatever it is. I like women well enough but I'm not sexually or emotionally attracted to them and I certainly don't want a feminine man, and I certainly don't want a wife-if I did I'd have married one or still would-if I could find one who'd still have me. What I do want is a man, a friend, someone I can respect and with whom I can share my bed and board with a feeling of equality. If I start thinking of John as a "wife" I'll end up by destroying the very thing I want and then I'll probably start looking for another man."

I was impressed by my friend's remarks, and I asked him for his thoughts on another problem which had often bothered me.

"Bill, tell me, how-that is, what word do you use when you want or find it necessary to refer to John, particularly among people, gay or straight, who don't know him personally, or, at least not well enough for you to use simply his name? I wonder if this "husband and wife" routine doesn't come about more often than not simply for lack of a better word."

"Marcel, that's a problem that bothers me every day of my life. I just don't know what to say, and it doesn't matter much whether you're among gay people or straight ones. What can you say? I can tell you a lot of things you can't say or at least that I don't like to say because they just don't express what I mean. 'My roomate' sounds pretty sophomoric at best, and is downright absurd when you use it to refer to someone with whom you've lived for two or three years, or with whom you own and share a house, a car, a parrakeet, a siamese cat or a poodle.

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'My lover?' Even among the gay set that's as ridiculous as it would be if used by a heterosexual man to refer to the mother of his six kids. 'My friend' or 'my boy friend?' Among gay people these sound coy; among heterosexuals they sound just euphimistic enough to raise eyebrows. 'Partner?' Well, during the years John and I were actually in business together this worked pretty well in most situations. Among gay people it did not necessarily convey all it seemed as though I was trying to conceal something or at least that I was not telling the whole truth. It was an honest word, however, and I usually used it and then added 'who is also the guy I live with; or something like that. Among heterosexuals it usually said all that needed saying, and I still use it when talking with people who knew us at that time or in that connection. I can even say 'my former partner' without evading the issue too far. Of course, technically, 'partner' can mean almost anything, but it has such a strong commercial or business sense that it sounds pretty ridiculous to talk to the gang at the office about 'my partner."

"Among gay people I'd like to be honest or most of the time, anyway. Without using the words 'my husband' or 'my wife,' and which to people you've just met can sound pretty ostentatious, about the only thing you can say is 'the guy I live with and even this will serve only once you can't just keep on saying it. With straight people you obviously can't be completely honest, so what is there? 'A friend of mine?' This says nothing, but it also denies everything and I hate to use words even when it's to people to whom it's none of their damned business-which actually denies or at least conceals the fact that I'm talking about someone who has a special importance to me. Whenever I do I feel

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